TurkTalk - the fan's forum

Player poems
11/10 I know a guy called Mark Brown
he plays in goal for Gosport town
people call him a stopper
but he will be no flopper

I know a guy called Dave Birmingham
he played  for Bournemuff and Portsmuff
when all the players go for a cup of tea
he wants to be there at number three

I know a guy called Kevin Gill
who wanted a part in The Bill
when he challenges for the ball
all his opponents shall fall

There is a guy called Justine Bennett
he plays football like Jermaine Pennent
when you bet him to score
he's nearly got four

I know a guy called Ashley Jarvis
he always gives good service
when he gets the ball at his feet
he hardly gets on the goal sheet

I know a guy called Bucko
I never seen him in a tuxedo
I hear he was a Pompey scout
but I reckon he was there to give them a clout
London Boro'

12/10 Verrrrrrry good.  Excellent in fact.
Skumbanana
12/10 Will you be there at The GDL on Tuesday?  I will be.  Would like to meet you.
London Boro'
12/10 The lunatics have finally taken over the asylum.
Bridgemarian
14/10 Well I've had to find another role
Since the Government's shut down Knowle
Then the Gosport Coppers on the beat
Found us wandering around the street

This didn't really bode very well
So now we just hang around the GDL
We have swapped a warm hospital bed
For the dubious pleasure of the shed

Instead of undergoing frontal lobotomy
We eat Jock's burgers and sip tepid tea
No more brown plastic bottles of pills
Cured by the Boro's footballing skills!

London Boro you sound an interesting cove
Unfortunately on Tuesday I'm down in Hove
Nestling by the Lovely Shoreham Locks
But I'm normally sat behind the Director's box

I will hopefully be there at the next home match.  Message to Bridemarian....nik nik schnee goddle goddle.
Skumbanana
16/10 Bucko can clout the Pompey players as much as he likes.
Bored at work
17/10 Justin Bennett has come alive
he just hit number five
last night he did soar
just enough to go on to score

I will be at the Uxbridge game Skumbanana.  Will you?
London Boro'

18/10 I didn't know Turk Talk had become a dating agency or lonely hearts club website!
Xenia
18/10 I know a guy called Michael White
at the back, he looks a little lite
at home, he never ate his greens
maybe , he should go in the Royal Marines
London Boro'
18/10 Before we get the winter freeze
My son wants us to go to St Mary's
But I'd rather be at Privett you bet
I haven't used my season ticket yet!

This Saturday we'll have us some fun
At Winchester with their big bass drum
We may easily win there but who can tell
You'll find us by the ringing of my bell

I have to do some fast talking here, maybe bribery will work as well as it used to.
Skumbanana
19/10 Xenia - jealousy is a very unattractive trait y'know?
Skumbanana
01/11 In the posh stand there is room for all
I'll be sat there in my usual sprawl
Trying to earwig the Director's buzz
When the brave Boro boys play the fuzz

I'll be arrested if I turn up late
I mustn't exceed my cell by date
There'll be a massacre after luncheon?
Only if they use t' cuffs and truncheon!
Skumbanana

02/11 Glad see that Taunton town took a licking,
and that Skumbanana’s alive and kicking.
Even in a higher league we can still match’em,
Save me a seat when you see them play Thatcham!
Boro' Viking
03/11 No Thatcham game I'm afraid Viking - the FA Trophy win has forced it out.  Still, we may get a home draw.
Site Manager
05/11 Good game Saturday and good crowd.  Might be good idea to book seats in the posh stand (the Sheddies can just bunch up a bit).
Skumbanana
05/11 If Boro Viking missed them again he couldn’t be glummer,
Standing alone at Privett Park would be a major bummer.
Yes he’s still dreaming of seeing the Mighty Boro play live,
Hoping “well versed Skumbanana” is not averse to drive.

Still hope it's a home game so I can finally try one of Jock's Burgers and inspect the 'Shed' I've read so much about.  Thanks for the info by the way. When will the next draw be?
Boro' Viking
05/11 The draw was made at lunchtime today.  We have Braintree Town of the Conference South at home.
Site Manager
29/01 I used to know a player called Juryeff
always in trouble with the ref
his playing days now are over
but never played for Dover
London Boro'
29/01 Skummy you are a tool
but I wouldn't call you a fool
but in days of old
Skummy you never will fold
London Boro'
30/01 London Boro' they've let you out!
Thought I hadn't seen you about
Now you can support without fail
Subject to your conditions of bail

Or is your hostel in renovation?
Please keep taking your medication
When excitement reaches fever pitch
Try munching on a valium sandwich

This football mania can be contagious
Making your behaviour quite outrageous
It makes you shout and wave your hand
But not apparently in the posh stand

There's only one way to lift this curse
And that's to bang away here with verse
At least us poets are the most unlikely
To cause offence by slagging off Pikey

For all those pundits without a clue
Spare a thought for BV in his igloo
Trying to suss all the team outs and ins
Surrounded by icicles and Caribou skins

Trudging through all the snow and sleet
With those tennis rackets on his feet
Wending back to his frozen winter's lair
Following the tracks of wolf and bear

With snow blind eyes turned to the sun
He wonders "what the hell's going on?"
"How did all this moaning come to pass?"
Pikey bashers are such a pain in the a***

But never mind, come the winter's thaw
Like an eagle his frozen spirit will soar
He will leave his cache of beaver hide
To once more be on the GDL pitch side

Instead of watching for animal tracks
He'll be witnessing massed goal attacks
Through the spring time sun and rain
As the Boro emerge from hibernation again.
Skumbanana

05/02 Skummy Skummy, you are such a hoot
Bet you never have played the flute
I never saw you at Hayes
Cos you don't like the cold breeze
London Boro'
06/02 Whilst giving loads of football tips
The  flute has never touched my lips
I do however sometimes take my place
In a band playing keyboard and bass (not at the same time though)

For those that like some rock and roll
Why not take a healthy evening stroll
And then take in a mixed musical parcel
We're playing Friday in the Windsor Castle

Kick off with Beatles and Stones then
Have a dance with our local fishermen
And if our music sends you totally gaga
You wash it all down with pints of lager

Now I have to say that Her Maj the Queen
I really don't think that she'll be seen
But some old queens might come in the door
When all's said and done it is the Windsor

So what's the event? well nothing really
We'd like you all to come along ideally
To dance along and get really close to
Us. we'll be displaying a Boro' poster!

Couldn't make the Hayes match as I was MC at a Burn's Night and wouldn't have got back in time.  I do miss the Wessex in as much that all the away matches were only an hours drive tops.  What's happened to the bus?  I take it that we couldn't guarantee filling it.  I find that sad.
Skumbanana
06/02 The Club couldn't afford to run a coach or even a minibus when most supporters wanted to make their own way to games.
Site Manager
08/02 How much are we talking about for a minibus?  Ballpark figure that is.  We started going to away matches on the coach but then it fizzled out.  Even Jeremy managed to get there and back in one piece!
Skumbanana
08/02 A quick look at Southern Self Drive's website says about £100 by the time you include the insurance.  Then you need to add on the fuel cost.  Jeremy would be the expert but I believe after taking a minibus one week and an MPV another he lost money on both.
Site Manager
08/02 The actual cost of the coaches are near on £300-£400 a time and seeing as when they were being run we could only get 10 people interested who then moaned about the charge to go on it that is why the coaches were stopped.  If you all wanted to come and watch the first team games as it seems you do by the moaning on the website why don't you all arrange one between you?
Becky
08/02 Becky the £300-£400 cost was for a full size coach.  My price was for the minibus Skumbanana mentioned - which even with only 15 seats Jeremy couldn't fill!
Site Manager
09/02 That's a pity and it's a shame that on those two occasions I couldn't make it. Nobody should have to put their hand in their pocket and lose out doing something like that.
Skumbanana
11/02 I offered the minibus and MPV as an alternative to supporters who said they wanted to travel to away games but bemoaned the fact there was no organised transport.  So I arranged trips to Burnham and Farnborough but the interest wasn't there and yet again it boils down to people moaning, wanting the Club to do something and then not following up their interest when it was offered.  I just about broke even for Burnham and lost £55 of my own money on the Farnborough trip.  I arranged and drove the transport using my own time and money so this wasn't a Club thing - I'd done it off my own back because I thought it was people wanted.  I was wrong and I wasn't prepared to carry on.  But those two trips were great fun (despite both games being lost) and I think people really did miss out. It's a shame.
Jeremy Fox
12/02 We went to the Farnborough match come to think of it and I drove my gig bus there which absolutley guzzles petrol.  I didn't know you were running transport or I would definitely have used it.  Ho hum never mind - bit late now I suppose.
Skumbanana
13/02 I went on Jeremy's trips to Burnham and Farnborough and a good time was had by all (apart from the results).  However, it's disgraceful the Club hasn't reimbursed him the lost money. 
Bridgemarian

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